Funeral homes these days are open to just about anything

The funeral business is an ever-evolving effort to keep up with trends while still maintaining what makes longstanding businesses unique.

The Breeze chatted with representatives from several of those businesses to learn more about what it’s been like as customers have shifted their thinking.

From heavy metal music to tequila shots, funerals these days often don’t look little like they did decades ago.

Jeff and Brian Bernardo, of J.J. Duffy Funeral Home in Cumberland, say digital photo displays and music playlists continue to be in strong demand. They recalled how the priest they work with regularly recently walked in to hear heavy metal from an ‘80s hair band.

“It changes the whole atmosphere, people are talking, laughing,” said Brian. Add in a tequila bar, he said, and the atmosphere really changes.

“I don’t think anything’s strange anymore. You just see it all, and every request has meaning to somebody,” said Jeff.

One service was held at Patrick’s Pub where there was a a memory table with the deceased’s favorite drink and a large photo of a Patriots ticket on every table.

One woman had planned tables with card games, pastry and Fritos, with an urn set up on a chair.

While there are still many somber funerals, people aren’t afraid of lighthearted moments, said the Bernardos.

Tom Winfield, of Anderson Winfield Funeral Home in Smithfield, recalled a lighthearted moment during a funeral for a local New York Yankees fan, where the family requested a full New York Yankees casket. A retired state trooper and big Red Sox fan came through the line at the wake and said, “You’re kidding me! You’re gonna make me kneel in front of THIS?”

Everyone was laughing, said Winfield, and if one knew the man who was deceased, he would have been laughing too.

“And here I am years later, still talking about this one thing,” he said.

Winfield says they have had some interesting requests for what people want to be buried with, including one who wanted a bottle of Jack Daniels and another with a Bingo case. A man who used to split and stack wood for neighbors as exercise was buried with his chainsaw.

At Menard-Lacouture Funeral Home and Cremation Services in Woonsocket, Craig Lacouture, funeral director, said it all depends on the family and what they desire for personalization, and Lacouture said they can cater to just about anything.

“If somebody really wanted something in bright red or yellow, we’ll be able to work with the family to try and find something like that,” he said, adding that families often want to hold cocktail hours after honoring their loved one at the funeral home, at restaurants or back at their homes.

For 48 years, Charles Coelho Funeral Home has served the community in Central Falls, catering to the customs of the Hispanic community that are often different from what a traditional funeral home might specialize in.

“We know and understand that some of the customs are not what others have,” said Charles Coelho, funeral director.

Coelho says that many people are choosing cremation over traditional funerals with a burial. “Custom-made urns made of wood or metal are more common than would be expected,” he said. A lot of requests also come in for pine boxes, Coelho said, to hold ashes once someone is cremated.

The most unique ceremony Coelho says they have held is one where a mariachi band led the funeral.

Coelho also said that green burials, in which a person is buried in a biodegradable container, are an option some clients go for, as well as a burial at sea. Cremated remains can also be dispersed in the ocean from a vessel.

“We will do whatever a family requests, within reason, of course,” he said. “There are so many different faiths, rites, and even family oddities.”

Coelho works with families to fulfill what they are looking for, which is their top priority.

“I believe that every funeral director will memorialize someone exactly the way the family would like it to be done, within reason and according to laws,” he said.

At J.J. Duffy, the Bernardos are now the in the approval process for creating a crematory on site to meet a future where a much larger share of funerals involve cremations. That will allow them to tell clients that they’ll be able to stay with the funeral home throughout the process, they said, which only two or three funeral homes in the state can say.

While deeply somber funerals are now more infrequent, said the Bernardos, tradition is still important to many people, with some still opting for no pictures, no DVD, or any other modern additions.

Business has certainly changed, says Winfield, and though there will always be funerals, they are changing. Outside of traditional funerals, which are also seeing changes, he said, “it can be anything.”

He told of a recent funeral for a man who was a painter and how many of his paintings and art were present. The same happened last year for an acclaimed artist. With much of her art present, the art played a more prominent role than the woman in the urn.

A simple theme is when everyone is asked to wear the deceased person’s favorite color,

“Even if it’s a traditional funeral, there can be a lot of personalization to that,” Winfield said.

Another option people have embraced is to run a funeral like a family reunion outside of the church, he added, with various people telling stories.

“Whatever we do, we look back at it after we’ve done everything and say, ‘you know what, that’s just what he would have wanted or that’s just what she wanted.’ Then that was the right thing to do,” he said.

Rhode Island is a traditional Catholic state, he said, so they don’t go too far.

Some people do ask about green burials, said Winfield, and they, like other funeral homes, refer them to the leading green burial spot, Prudence Memorial Park on Prudence Island, where things are done in a very respectful and dignified way.

“The market will only bear what people are asking for,” said Winfield.

Anderson Winfield also does some streaming of services, using technology to bring people together and making sharing of photos easier as well.

Jennifer Fagan, of Robbins Funeral Home in North Providence, and Geoffrey Greene, co-owner and president, said they will customize each funeral to what a certain family wants, within reason.

“More people than ever are making funeral arrangements in advance,” said Greene.

He added that funeral planning has changed over the decades.

“Back in my day, people used to have two nights of calling hours, three total wakes and go to church,” said Greene. “People in the community would get together on these and they would bring food to the family and the house. It’s changed big time.”

Video slideshows have been a great addition, said Fagan, though streaming has dissipated somewhat since COVID.

Cremations are becoming more popular, she added, as are more personalized services. Many people are now doing visitation in the morning rather than the evening.

“You kind of just have to customize it to what everyone wants,” she said. “Services are much more customized than they used to be. It’s changed with the generations. Much more social media. There’s a lot more technology involved, I would say.”

Fagan and Greene said they’ve seen so much, that nothing really surprises them much anymore.

“We’ve had someone bring their motorcycle into the place,” Greene said. Fagan added, “That’s right. They brought it to the wake. It was beautiful, they had it out next to the casket for the wake. We’re fine with that.”

“We did have a funeral where we had the horse-drawn carriage that carried the casket on it,” Fagan added. “They were war re-enactors and we went up to Highland Memorial Park, they shot a cannon off. It was very interesting. They were all dressed up in colonial garb.”

Greene also shared how one family needed a chicken to view the deceased.

Overall, there are different cultural traditions that some people will still want to be involved in the funeral process including food and drinks. Fagan said they have Pandora so they can have a playlist made or songs provided.

“I have had toasts in the funeral home,” Fagan said. “They provide their own alcohol. I’m fine with that. They do that on their own in the chapel.”

Allen Bellows, vice president and funeral director of Bellows Funeral Chapel in Lincoln, said one of the most unique things he’s seen was when someone’s prized 1967 Corvette was made the centerpiece of the service.

He said Bellows trends more traditional, but less religious than it used to be, which he said he believes to be a reflection of the general population becoming less devout as a whole. He said there are some requests for green funerals, but they aren’t all that popular.

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